Coaching Youth Basketball - Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15 - The Ants Go Marching One by One

How does the old saying go? "There comes a time in every man's life when ---" When you say run for the hills screaming, the parents are coming, the parents are coming.

So far you haven't felt like or even acted like a total idiot. You should be feeling pretty good because everything seems to be in it's place and life is good, right?

If you ever wanted to hide, now is the time. You have been through 3-6 LS's and your worst problems have been the kids, and you are in control of them. All of that is about to change. Now is the time when the "parents from hell" start to raise their ugly cobra-shaped heads.

It all starts very innocently. Before or after a LS, a parent will come up and ask how little Johnny or Susie are doing. You give them a positive, but standard reply, "They are doing great!" Everything seems to be going well. The parent doesn't say anything else, so you seem to be off the hook.

A minute goes by and the parent is at your side again. "By the way, any idea who your starting 5 will be?" BOING, BOING, BOING!!!! Redlights start flashing and day becomes night. The "parents from hell" just surfaced.

You will tell them that you aren't even close to that stage and they will extol the virtues of their kid. Next they will start downgrading the other kids in an almost politically correct way.

So how do you handle this? Do you have a conversation with them about the kids? Do you politely tell them that your job is to coach and you aren'y ready to discuss those issues. Or do you ignore them?

The answer to this lies in your personality. Do what feels natural to you. Here is what I would do, but it's just one option. I would ignore him. As soon as it started, I would excuse myself and become Caspar! I don't like to start a conversation that I know will end up in me telling the parents to shove it.

I have this inate belief that most of the good things in life are done for the wrong reason. I also believe that adults screw up things for kids more than kids do. Here you have a perfectly good kid whose parent is getting ready to make you hate that kid being on your team. It's not fair to the kid, but it's totally unfair for you, a volunteer, to have to put up with the grief that parents give you. So I ignore them.

Here's another great idea, with only one lousy side effect. Hold closed LS's, no one but players allowed. This will reduce the parents ability to talk to you and especially with any knowledge of the team. So what's the side effect? When parents stay and your LS is over, you get to go home. With a closed LS, you have to stay until the last player gets picked up by their parents. Me personally, I wait with the players rather than give the parent from hell more of an opportunity to corner me. And while I'm thinking of it, if you start giving your players a ride home, just figure that you have adopted a permanent passenger.

Ready for the next part of the saga. You might have 2-4 sets of the "parents from hell." If this happens to you, set up a long term tab at your local watering hole, because you'll need it.

The only reassuring thought about the "parents from hell," is that they never give up. By the way, I was only kidding about it being a reassuring thought.

The best way to be handle these parents is by getting them to sign a contract, and I already gave you an example of one you can use. Give yourself a break, GET EVERYONE TO SIGN A CONTRACT BEFORE YOUR FIRST GAME. I believe in solving problems before they can become a problem.

My last pearl of wisdom concerning parents, kids, and you as a coach. Never ever give a player a ride home, if you are the only other person in the car. There is a big thing going on about sexual advances by coaches toward female, but especially toward male players. All you need is one player or parent who is mad at you and willing to lie. Don't ever give a kid that ride without someone else being in the car. Remember, even one hint of a rumor about this type of conduct will screw you up for the rest of your life. And it will mess up up your family and their reputation as well.